Unforgiveness Makes You the Offender (Forgiveness Part 2)

Text: Matthew 18:15–17, 21–35

Forgiveness is one of the most powerful expressions of love and maturity in the Christian life. Yet, it remains one of the hardest things for many believers to practice consistently. In this second part of our Forgiveness Series, we explore a truth that is often overlooked: unforgiveness doesn’t just harm the person who offended you—it turns you into an offender yourself.

Jesus’ teachings in Matthew 18 challenge us deeply and shift our focus from what was done to us to how we respond to it.

1. The Offended Must Take the First Step

Jesus begins in Matthew 18:15 by saying: “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.” (NKJV)

Notice something striking here: it’s the person who was offended who is expected to initiate reconciliation. That goes against human instinct. Most people think, “They wronged me, so they should come and apologize.” But Jesus flips this logic. He places the burden of reconciliation on the offended, not the offender.

This reflects God’s own heart toward us. When we were still sinners, when we had no thought of repentance, God came to us. “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8). As imitators of Christ, we are called to do the same—to go every length possible to seek peace and restoration.

2. Forgiveness Has No Limits

In verse 21, Peter comes to Jesus with what he thought was a generous question: “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Peter thought he was being noble. But Jesus’ answer shattered all human standards: “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” (v. 22). In other words, forgiveness is not to be counted—it’s to be lived.
Every single time someone offends you, you are to forgive. There are no loopholes, no expiration dates, no thresholds beyond which forgiveness becomes optional. “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13, NIV).

3. It’s Not About the Size of the Offense

Jesus goes on to tell the powerful parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:23–35). In the story:

• A king forgives a servant a massive debt—ten thousand talents (v. 24), which would be millions of dollars today.

• That same servant finds a fellow servant who owes him a tiny amount—a hundred denarii (v. 28)—and refuses to forgive him.
  

Here’s the truth: forgiveness is never about the size of the offence. It’s about the posture of the heart. The king showed grace toward a huge debt. The forgiven servant could not extend even a fraction of that grace to someone else.

Unforgiveness says, “My pain is too big, your apology is too small.” But forgiveness says, “God has forgiven me far more than I could ever be asked to forgive.”
“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive… neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14–15).

4. Unforgiveness Has Consequences—For You

This is the part many miss: the person who refuses to forgive becomes the one who is punished. In the parable, when the king found out the servant did not forgive: “His master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.” (Matthew 18:34)

Jesus concludes with a sobering warning: “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.” (v. 35).

This isn't about God being cruel—it's about the spiritual reality that unforgiveness opens the door to torment. Bitterness, anger, depression, anxiety, broken relationships—these are all forms of inner torment that can take root when we refuse to let go. It’s not the original offender who suffers most; it’s the offended one who chooses not to forgive.

5. Forgiveness Is Not Optional for Believers

We often treat forgiveness like a favour we give others when we feel like it. But in the kingdom of God, forgiveness is not a suggestion—it is a command. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

Forgiveness is part of our identity as believers. You should never need to be begged or pleaded with to forgive. Why? Because you were forgiven first.
“We love Him because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)
“Freely you have received, freely give.” (Matthew 10:8)

Conclusion: Forgiveness Frees You

It’s time to stop rehearsing the offence and start releasing it. Unforgiveness binds you to the pain, but forgiveness sets you free. You may feel justified in your hurt—but as long as you withhold forgiveness, you are the one who stays in the prison.

Let this truth sink in: Unforgiveness makes you the offender in God’s eyes.

Let us choose the better path—freedom through forgiveness.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” (Matthew 5:9)

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